It’s my opinion that jealousy and envy have been given a bad rap for quite some time now, when really we ought to be giving thanks that our emotions can be so shamefully stirred in these politically correct times. Jealousy is one of the rawest emotions, we posses often welling up involuntarily without warning, immediately recognizable by that momentary stab of pain we all feel when we perceive (even if only momentarily) that another individual irrespective of whether we know them or not has something, some status, quality or object we don’t have – for some; that pain is excruciating! For most of us that perception throws us into a despondent gloom. It is at this point that I say we should be thankful we posses such feelings because it on these very spontaneous occasions that if we step out of the moment and look at ourselves introspectively we can find out who we really are, what makes us tick.

5 ways to keep the green-eyed monster at bay Recognize it when you sense it-take a deep breath. Acknowledge it to yourself out loud. Accept it as a fact without any shame or guilt because you recognize that it has no bearing on your self-esteem. It’s just your soul being prompted Step out of yourself and ask what the jealousy really represents. When you’ve found out-strive for it, your gut signals are telling you what you’re heart deep down truly desires.

If you are able to recognize your jealousies you will be able to know who you really are and what you really want out of life. I say so because the spontaneous wave of emotion caused by a pang of jealousy and the gut reaction induced is so spontaneous as to be uncontrollable. Yes you may give the appearance of controlling it on the outside but your stomach definitely knows the real story.

We are traditionally taught and actively encouraged to hide and suppress our jealous emotions; jealousy is bad and envy even worse we’re taught. Polite society demands that we do not admit to such feelings publicly as they are considered base and evil. However rather than suppressing it I advocate embracing it, because it is only at that point when uncontrollable emotion meets introspection that you can find out what it is really that you want. What is so fundamental to you to cause such a primordial reaction? If you stop, step out of yourself and ponder on the moment you may be surprised to find that what you thought was making you jealous wasn’t really what you thought it was. Something happened to me some time ago that caused me to come to this realization very clearly.

I was sitting in my office when a friend came to visit as she strode cheerily into my office I rose up to greet her when my eyes settled on her bag, the latest-up-to- the minute-straight-out-of-the pages-of-vogue-this-seasons-strikingly-stylish-buff-coloured-Todd bag. A wave of jealousy wafted over me. I could hardly contain myself and barely held my balance when she trilled that her husband had just bought it for her. Through out her visit I could think of nothing but the bag even her ruminations on her impending visit to India paled beside this bag. My mind was fixated on this bag.

Now I tell this story because of the total irrationality of the whole thing. Here I was caught in the throws of jealousy against a person who was a very good friend somebody who was very sweet without a mean bone in her body and whom I loved dearly. I’m also someone who is not easily given over to jealous emotions. So what happened what was responsible for this primordial reaction? After she had gone I went through a little bit of self-analysis and realized that it wasn’t really the bag that I coveted, but what the bag represented. At that point in time as stupid as it may sound it represented the love of a husband for his wife, it represented romance (he definitely knows what she likes and makes an effort to get it), travel (you could only buy it abroad because its just out). The colour, and the brand showed that he really cared because buff (very light tan) is not your every day colour. It is luxuriously expensive and chic, obviously that is what this man thought his wife to be as evidenced by the bag!!! Huh I know what you’re thinking…just hold that thought!

I on the other hand during this defining moment was in the middle of a row with my husband, which had dissolved into an I’m-not speaking to-you, or at the worst I’m-only speaking-to-you-politely situation. I was feeling totally miserable unloved and neglected. My husband had just come back from a trip abroad – empty handed; no buff coloured bag for me and at this point in time the thought "luxuriously expensive and chic" were very far from his mind. In my misery I was able to get to the heart of my desire, which was to resume good relations with my husband, to be loved and cherished. The kind of wife a husband remembers as he’s passing a designer bag store! I had to laugh at the realization of it all. When my husband and I made up, the bag resumed its rightful proportion of relative insignificance. I called my friend and we laughed over it together. She herself confided in me that her husband had only bought her the bag because they had quarreled and he had wanted to make it up to her.

So whenever you feel that jealous urge, don’t suppress it embrace it and get to the root of it you may be surprised to find out what’s truly lurking underneath it all.